Where to start when you're struggling to find your place
In today's episode, I recap the recent retreat I hosted in Atlanta, Georgia: The Restoration Retreat. I also discuss some practical strategies to help you if you're struggling to find your place. Tune in and be sure to leave a comment to share your thoughts.
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TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO
SEASON 2018 | EPISODE 5
WHERE TO START WHEN YOU'RE STRUGGLING TO FIND YOUR PLACE?
Well, hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Your Success Connector. My name is Tasha M. Scott.
I have been called a connector because a lot of times when I host events when I'm coaching, I love helping individuals to connect with other people, with resources, but, this past weekend, I was actually given a new name, Tasha M. Scott, the Success Connector and Stretcher.
One of my clients gave me that name last weekend at The Restoration Retreat where I hosted a group of women in Atlanta, Georgia. Y'all, it was amazing. There were women literally represented from coast to coast.
We had two women come in from San Diego; one of the speakers from Los Angeles. We had somebody come in from Staten Island, New York. Some of the ladies, yes, were from Montgomery, Alabama, but, those were from different places. Birmingham, Columbus, Georgia and we all met in Atlanta, Georgia at a house called Chateau Jolie where I hosted this retreat.
When I say it was amazing, it was amazing to be able to watch the women come in one way and have them leave out another. I watched with my own eyes women who were strangers, come to a place where they literally let their hair down and I mean that in every essence of the world. Let their hair down, bond, connect, get to know each other. We laughed, we cried and everything you can imagine, but, one thing that we could all say is we walked away restored.
In the moments of the retreat, we did have several speakers besides myself. We had Toni Purry from Los Angeles, California. Toni started it off by talking about how to give yourself permission to be great. Toni is the author of a book called The Hype Book and she reminded us that greatness does lie within us. That we all have the ability to be confident and we all have the ability to give ourselves permission to press pass the doubt, the negativity, the naysayers, our own fears, our own limitations. It was a powerful experience.
The next morning, Dr. Yulanda Tyre came and she talked to us about compassion fatigue. What happens when the leader gets tired and then I rounded off this whole experience by talking about what it means to be the leader, the influencer. We broke that down, even more, to say that a leader is somebody that leads by example.
One of the things that came up is that a leader is also a servant to those that they lead and we also learned about stretching ourselves. I gave them an example of a rubber band. They all broke off into groups and they had to come up with all the different ways that a rubber band can be used and what we discovered in all of the ways is that a rubber band's greatest use or effectiveness is when it's stretched and we all learned that in order for us to grow, we have to stretch, but, we can't stretch too much because then we'll break. There is that fine balance.
Going all the way back to this new nickname that I've been given, Tasha The Success Connector and The Stretcher, I really learned from that experience y'all that where am I going with this? Okay, so this I'm recording live, where I'm going is basically that you have to get to a place where you own who you are. That's my point right there. That's my point. See, I'm gonna keep it real, y'all. That's my point is you have to get to place where you own who you are, why you are and that's what that whole retreat solidified for me.
But, today I wanna talk about where do you start when you're struggling to find your place. I did this retreat. It was amazing. The women are still buzzing. They're still talking about it even other people are coming to me saying, when are you gonna do your next one? I found that place y'all, honestly, from a place of struggle and I wanna talk to you today about where do you start when you're struggling to find that place? Where you're in a place where you're like, Tasha, I don't know who I am or where I'm going or maybe I know who I am, but, I don't know the next step.
Like, I'm in this place where nothing makes sense and what I wanna tell you to answer this question, what I had to do when I felt like I was having that identity crisis, where I was struggling to find my niche. I even had people tell me, Tasha, this is who you are. You're a business coach. No, you're not a business coach, Tasha. You're a life coach. No, you're not a life coach, you're a motivator.
I literally had people telling me this is who you are. This is who you are. I found myself in an identity crisis place where I was struggling to even know who I am, why I am and what in the world I'm doing, so, what I had to do when I got there at the height of intensity, as I literally had to get quiet, y'all. That's what I had to do.
The question on the table today is, where do you start when you're struggling to find your place? I challenge you to get quiet and what I mean by quiet is sometimes you've gotta get to a place where you say, thank you, but, no thank you. Somebody may be telling you who you are, but, it's like, right now in this moment, thank you, but, no thank you. I'm gonna get quiet.
For me, I'm a woman of faith. Getting quiet meant that I had to listen to the two most important voices at the moment and that was God's and myself. Let me pause for a minute to kind of explain that.
It mattered what God had to say about me because I was so busy trying to receive validation from everybody else and trying to figure out what the people on the outside or circumstances on the outside were saying, but, I had to get quiet so that I could hear, God, what do you say about me? The secret was going back to his word. Going back to places and it wasn't like, okay, let me go to Genesis.
Sometimes God spoke to me through the stories of the bible. God spoke to me through different things and maybe it was the proverbs, maybe it was a psalm. I don't know what that looks like for you, but, all I know is that I had to get quiet enough to hear what God was saying and then I had to get quiet enough and ask myself, Tasha, would do you say about yourself?
That was one of the first things. The question again, is where do you start when you're struggling to find your place? Get quiet. Here's the thing. When I dared to get quiet the answer was already there. I just had to quiet the noise that was all around me.
Another thing that I did besides getting quiet is I allowed myself to journal. I allowed myself to write out my thoughts and I gave myself permission to write what I felt like I heard from God and myself.
I got to writing and I allowed myself to feel the fear of writing and just getting it out of me. Just writing raw. Writing what I thought came to me, just writing getting it out and then when I had something written, I literally read it back to myself and I didn't go immediately to people and say, hey, what do you think about this, or hey, what do you think about that?
I just allowed myself to sit with it. Got quiet, I let myself figure out what God had to say about me. I asked myself, Tasha, what do you say about yourself and then I got it out of me by writing it and then I sat with that. I allowed myself to feel the fear of all the things I allowed myself to sit with it because at the end of the day I had to know who I am in my eyes and God's eyes. I hope that is helping somebody today.
Another thing that I did is once I wrote it, I literally got some magazines and I created a vision board for myself. Now, everything that I'm saying to you are things that I had to do because I was struggling. I was struggling with my identity in the marketplace, I was struggling with my identity as a wife, as a mother, struggling to find my place and the steps that I just told you, those are things that I had to do.
Now, going back even further than that and I talked about this in previous episodes sometimes I had to get some help, some professional help and that's where the coaches and the mentors and all that came. I had to even have discernment about who I allowed to speak into my life and one of the things that my mentors told me they said, Tasha, if I were you I would not share this with everybody right now because you don't need anybody that's gonna pour their doubt or pour their negativity on this. Allow yourself the opportunity to just sit here for a minute. Just allow yourself that.
I'm just gonna stop right there and again, what I did was I got quiet, I went back to the source, I asked myself the question, Tasha, who do you say you are. I allowed myself to write it out and basically, those thoughts that were in my head and in my heart about who I am about where I'm going, about what I'm doing, I just poured it out. I allowed myself to dream on paper. I allowed myself to see myself on paper and then I sat with it and then after I did all of that, I took the most obvious, the most simple step that made the most sense to me at that time and I'm not saying what felt the most comfortable because taking that step was taking a step afraid.
I did what made the most sense to me in that moment and that is all that I know to do even now. Just take the step that made the most sense to me in that moment. This journey that I'm on, this journey that you're on, it's a moment by moment day by day process. Now, what I have to do is, I have to guard this dream. What you have to do is you've gotta guard the dream and allow yourself, like my friend Toni said in the retreat last week, you've gotta allow yourself, give yourself permission to be great and it's not great in everybody's else's eyes. It's going back again, what does God say, and what do you say.
Taking the steps that make the most sense to you right now and my friend, I believe that you know what that is and all you needed was just somebody to remind you that it's okay.
Thank you for listening to this episode today. This was my heart just sharing, just reflecting on the retreat, but, also just sharing just some practical nuggets on where do you start when you're struggling to find your place. I believe that the answers are in you. They are. It's just getting quiet enough to hear your own heart beating and quieting all the noise that's surrounding you so that you can unleash what's already in you.
If this helped you today, will you do me a favor and I ask this every time? Will you reach out to me? Will you let me know that this helped you? Please feel free to share this podcast, You're Success Connector. Please feel free to subscribe. Leave a review. I wanna know who I'm talking to. I wanna know who's out there that's resonating with this.
Thank you so much for being on this journey with me. I will see you next episode.
I am Tasha M. Scott. The Success Connector and Stretcher signing off.
Have a wonderful day.