Comparison is Killing Your Confidence

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Episode 2018 - 006
Comparison is Killing your Confidence

In today's episode, I take a deep dive into the true cost of comparison. An unhealthy comparison is a thief that will rob you. Tune in and let's address this epidemic that's affecting the progress and potential of many of today's leaders.

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Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Your Success Connector podcast. My name is Tasha M. Scott. I am a motivational speaker, trainer, and coach who is very passionate about helping leaders to transform their lives and their businesses. You know, this is the month of love, February, and there's one thing that I want to talk about that we actually have to talk about in this month of love, and that's confidence. 

But I'm going to approach it from a different angle today. I want to ask you, what do you feel like is the number one thing that sabotages a person's confidence? I have my own opinions, but I would love from you. If you're listening to this on it iTunes, Stitcher, even if it's on Soundcloud, shoot me over your response. What do you feel like is the number one thing that is killing a person's confidence? All right, I'll go ahead and tell you what I believe.

I believe that comparison is robbing individuals of confidence. I know that the social media age that we're in, it doesn't help. Because when we're scrolling through Facebook, we're scrolling through Instagram, all we're seeing are the highlight reels of people's lives. That's all we see. I get it, I'm not saying that we got go and share all our secrets, air our dirty laundry, all of that stuff. I get it, I do. I don't do it either. But I just want to caution us, and I'm talking to all of us, men and women, that we've got to learn how to stop comparing ourselves to other people, especially my sisters. I'm talking to everybody but I'm especially talking to us women. In the line of work that I do as a life coach, motivational speaker, trainer, I hear the conversations. I hear firsthand where I will hear someone say, "But I'm not further along," or "But I'm not doing it like that," or "I'm not doing it like they're doing it," or "I don't have what they have." 

Can I just call a timeout? Stop. Stop it! Stop it.

I just want to call a timeout for that because I think if we are suffering from that and we know that it's affecting our confidence, it's affecting how we show up, then one of the things that we're going to have to be intentional about is detoxing from the exposure to what that looks like. 

For example, if you know that you have a problem comparing somebody, maybe Facebook is not the best place for you to hang out, or Instagram, or wherever it is that you're scrolling through. Maybe that's not the best place. I'm not saying that you can't be on it, but what I'm saying is that you know the saying goes, What you feed grows. What you starve dies." Maybe you need to limit the exposure so that you're not feeding that ugly monster of comparison. I'm talking about comparison in an unhealthy way. I'm talking about when it gets to the place where you literally are thinking so less of yourself. You're not acknowledging the good because you're so caught up in what somebody else is doing. Understand? All right.

No. 1 - Limit Your Exposure to Unhealthy Comparisons

One of the things I would say, if that's you, then maybe you need to limit the amount of exposure or the amount of time that you're giving to social media. The other thing I would say is that maybe yours is being fueled by somebody else, by somebody telling you constantly who you're not, all of that stuff. If that's happening ... I know. Here's the thing. Some of that comes from your own family. Some of that comes from those that you really can't just cut off. What I'm saying is this. You've got to find an outlet. Again, I hate to sound like a broken record, but I keep talking about the coaches and the counselors. You need to find somebody that will help you exercise that muscle. I'm going to give you a resource right now, my coach. Her name is Leslie Vernick. She has a book called The Emotionally Destructive Relationship. She also has The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

If you're in a relationship, whether it's a friend, a boss, a coworker, a pastor, a sibling, a spouse, if you're in a situation like that where you have somebody constantly telling you who you're not, what you can't do, what you can't have, I would just go ahead and put it out there that you may be suffering from emotional abuse. This resource by Leslie Vernick is a great start. I'm not saying it's the only thing, but it's a great start. It's Emotionally Destructive Relationship and Emotionally Destructive Marriage. I'm just going to go ahead and put that out there.

The first thing is I said is you're going to have to limit your exposure. I'm some cases it may mean detoxing from the very source that's feeding the comparison track, that's feeding that insecurity.

No. 2 - Educate yourself about Emotional Abuse -

What does healthy look like?

Another thing, number two, if you are in a relationship, whatever it looks like, and somebody is constantly telling you who you're not, what you can't do, what you can't have, my friend, you may be suffering from emotional abuse. There is help for that. I won't be able to solve that in this podcast time, but I just shared a resource. I also am a strong advocate for counselors, for coaches, for you getting the help that you need, and that's spiritually and practically. 

Those are two things that I could say right now off the top that if you are finding yourself constantly, constantly comparing yourself and you're looking so much at another person or another group that you can't even see the good in yourself, or you can't see the strength, you can't see your own beauty, those are just two things that I would recommend. I know normally people do top three, top five and all that. I'm just going to tell you two things right off the bat. Just cut to the chase. You can hear in my voice that I'm really passionate about this subject because I can't stand to hear somebody downgrade themselves or limit themselves just because they're looking at somebody else or another group, and they don't see the treasure that's on the inside of them. 

If that's you, those are two things right off the bat that I just want to talk to you about. That's it. That's all I want to talk about today. That's just hit it, nip it in the bud. What I mean nip it in the bud, again, I'm not saying that it's going to be solved in these few minutes that we're together, but I will say is that you don't have to suffer in silence. You don't have to go another day downplaying yourself. There is treasure on the inside of you.

Let me just spend these few minutes right now telling you there is treasure on the inside of you. There is good in you. I don't care what your past looks like. Your past was everything that you experienced before you hit play. Before you started listening to me, that is your past. There is no mistake. There is no failure. There is nothing that you cannot bounce back from, absolutely nothing. Do you hear me? There is good in you. You are worth going, digging for treasure. You are worth it. You are. You are, you are. Even the scripture says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You owe it yourself, my sister, my brother if you're listening, you owe it to yourself to take the blinders off of looking at everybody else and what they're doing and feeling bad about yourself. You owe it to yourself to go digging for that treasure on the inside of you.

If this resonated with you today, if you got anything out of what I'm saying, will you do me a favor? Will you let me know? Will you email me? Or you can inbox me on Facebook. I am @coachtashascott across Facebook, Instagram. Let me know, is this resonating with you? 

I want you to go digging for the treasure that's within. Will you do that, my friend? Let me pray for you right now. Father God, I lift up any person who is listening to this podcast right now, and I pray, father, that you help them to see themselves the way that you see them. I pray, father, that when they look in the mirror they don't see what's wrong, they don't see what's lacking. They just see the beauty, father. They see what you saw in seed form when you created them, father. I binds every attack against them right now, whether it's come in the form of words, whether it's come in the forms of people trying to put their opinions on them. Whatever that looks like, father, I pray right now in the name of Jesus that those word curses or broken off of their life. I pray, God, that you give them something on the inside of them that says, "Nope, that's not me. I am more. I am more than your negativity. I am more than your insult. I am more, I am more." 

I pray that right now, that if anybody is suffering from emotional abuse, father, that you give them the right tools, the right equipment, the right resources in the form of people, in the form of books like I recommended. Whatever that looks like, God, I pray that you give them the strength to walk away from that, father, and help them, help them. I keep saying this. Help them to see what you see, in Jesus' name, amen. 

I had to take it to pray, y'all, because I feel so strongly about this. I do. I believe that every person has a God given right to see the treasure that's on the inside of them. Thank you so much for tuning in to Your Success Connector. I know this wasn't like the traditional talk that I do, but hey, there's room for flexibility, y'all. I am signing off, Tasha M. Scott, Your Success Connector. Have a wonderful day. If you know someone that needed to hear this, will you do me that favor and will you share this? Thank you. Have a wonderful day. Bye.